So Lame...

The hipster fashion is an amalgamation of all styles, which isn’t a bad thing.  Rather than conforming to one specific style, it has integrated aspects of multiple cultures and fashions to, in a sense, form its own identity.  In a way, creating something entirely new, and in quite another way, something found to be so dismissible and unequivocally uncool, that it’s almost a joke.  In either case, it creates a lot of hatred towards hipsters, specifically in New York and L.A., where hipsterdom is taken to the next level of absurdity via people with far too much creative energy and vanity and an unlimited allowance from their parents.  That, or they’re regular ass adults who have regular ass jobs by day, then put on their hipster costume and stalk the night like Batman.  Just look at these fucking hipsters...

Apparently hipsters in New York are people just like your dad.  They have an office job, love ‘the sports section’, and it kind of seems like they love the family dog more than you or your mom sometimes.  The main difference is that when they come home from the office, they slip into skinny jeans and Chuck Taylors and go out to dive bars to live out the street trash lifestyle.  Hipsterdom is now considered a fashion statement, as wealthy people spend money on vintage cat shirts and slip-ons in an effort to resemble the effortlessly creative poor kid instead of using said wealth to buy the elite brands (bebe, juicy, Versace, Louis-vitton) as they used to.  It’s no longer cool to be wealthy and show it off.  It’s way cool to be poor though.  Maybe the whole ‘irony’ thing comes into play when you spend $100 on a haircut your 8-year old niece could’ve given you in exchange for a chocolate chip cookie (it’s her favorite). 

Rich kids who aren’t too busy being rich will, in some way, do the whole rebellion thing.  Remember that street punk kid that went to your high school, who everyone was like “I heard he lives in a box and his parents beat the shit out of him everyday”?  That kid got picked up in his Mom’s Jaguar after school and driven back to his mansion, which is really awesome, but kind of ironic given what was initially implied by the punk movement.  He really did get beat by his dad everyday though. 

A differentiation needs to be made between the good-hearted party pal hipster and the vain, egocentric d-bag dressed as one because it makes them feel even cooler than when they were a vain, egocentric d-bag dressed like an asshole.  If you haven’t been recognizing the difference, then shame on you and your heartless ways.  The only book that should be judged by its cover is Goosebumps; they told you almost exactly what you’d be reading about, and some of them were super scary.

What’s with people getting butthurt over the fact that hipsters integrate aspects of all styles?  You tell me what’s wrong with a pirate-chic grunge punk beat cowboy, and I’ll tell you to shut the fuck up.  It’s called cyclicality.  Everyone was way over the whole plaid flannel thing around 1997, but that shit only took about a decade to come roaring back.  That, and paint-splashed acid wash denim.  Really though, how cool is that?  It’s fucking boring to put on the same old shit every day.  Get crazy with it, and next time you go out to your favorite bar, be like “I haven’t worn my snake skin jacket/moon shoes/Def Leppard shirt in forever!”  You’ll be the hottest shit at the club.  I promise.

Young narcissistic douches everywhere are ruining the whole hipster thing for just about everyone and their mom (who read about hipsters in Yahoo! News and thinks that “it sounds silly”).  I don’t think I’ve used the word ‘snarky’ before in my life, maybe it’s just because it sounds funnier when your 4^th grade teacher says it, or because it kind of epitomizes the whole problem with the hipster movement.  That, and it’s probably ruined by the idea that some people actually consider it a movement.

Props to Douglas Haddow for writing the cover story for Issue #79 of Adbusters: “Hipster: The Dead End of Western Civilization”.  Not because it was a good article (in fact, it’s the cynically-written piece of garbage that almost single-handedly inspired me to create this site), but because he quotes Vice Magazine’s co-founder, Gavin McInnes, calling him “one of hipsterdom’s primary architects”, as saying that:

“I’ve always found that word ["hipster"] is used with such disdain, like it's always used by chubby bloggers who aren't getting laid anymore and are bored, and they're just so mad at these young kids for going out and getting wasted and having fun and being fashionable," he says. "I'm dubious of these hypotheses because they always smell of an agenda."

                

           Doug was busy as fuck meditating on how smug and hipsterly Gavin was about the whole thing, and apparently didn’t realize that the quote was describing people exactly like him.  You could call it the only counter-point he provides in the whole article if it wasn’t so blatantly unintentional… poor baby.  Making fun of people who make fun of other people can still make you an asshole if you ‘take it to that level’.  Seriously, read the article (https://www.adbusters.org/magazine/79/hipster.html).  He sounds like an eloquent high school school student with a grudge against the cool kids for not inviting him to their birthday parties (he heard they played ‘Seven Minutes in Heaven’ at Suzy Henderson’s sweet 16… shucks!).

I’ve lived in SF for two years now, and in all my nights of going out to dive bars, and being surrounded by people who, by all means, would be considered hipsters by stereotypical convention, they are delightfully friendly gems of human beings who like to party and have fun.  I’m almost certain that all this hipster hate is being blown over from New York and LA via dust clouds and air molecules.  I’ve only met a handful of hipsters who fit the ‘2 kewl 4 skool’ bill, and (surprise, surprise) they were all hanging out together.  Way to ruin it for everyone, dicks.  Them, and the people who stand on the escalator on the side where people are walking, because they don’t know about the whole ‘escalator etiquette of standing to the side’ thing.  And they don’t know that you’re late for work.  Or they do, and they’re just being a dick.